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“Vignettes
of my Father Part 1”
(Story)
Soon after I returned
home to Colorado in late March, 2007, from my trip to Nepal, my father
passed on peacefully in Kathmandu with loved ones around him. I was
grateful to have been with him so near the end.
My father lived for just a few days shy of 89 years. His was a full,
colorful life that took him from his family’s vast feudal estate in
southern Nepal, to rides with American pilots who flew “The Hump” from
India to China during WW II, to playing an important role in Nepal’s
democracy movement, to owning a huge coal mining and logging operation in
Assam, to travels by air, sea, train and car through much of America,
including flying over glaciers in Alaska in a 4-seater, single-prop sea
plane.
My “story” this time is a collection of vignettes of my father.
My Dad passed away on Friday April 13, 2007.
“Man proposes God disposes.”
“Where there's life, there's hope.”
“God helps those who help themselves.”
These were my Dad’s favorite sayings.
His oft repeated one was:
“If you do your duty, the rest will take care of itself.”
This he certainly lived by. He did his duty by his family the best he
could.
Sometimes I think he was bewildered by his very demanding wife and bold,
forward, independent children. He was born in 1918 in southern Nepal to a
privileged family, the eldest of seven and was sent away from home when he
was very young, to be raised by some “old world” relatives in Varanasi,
India to be groomed to take over and manage the family inheritance.
He was not my mother’s first “choice” and he knew it. I heard he even made
friends with the man my mother wanted to marry. He did not ever want a
brood of kids. If my mother, an only child, had continued having her way
there would have been a dozen or more kids to confuse my Dad even more!
Since most of our childhood years were spent in boarding school, we saw
Dad only occasionally. He was more like Santa Claus to us, always jolly
and bringing with him or purchasing lots of gifts.
I wish I would have had a chance to learn more about his younger days. He
started becoming hard of hearing in his late sixties. His vanity took over
and he refused to wear hearing aids until it was rather too late. He
became pretty adept at lip reading.
He was also quite the ladies man. He was handsome and he knew it. He could
not pass a mirror without stopping to admire himself.
My Dad was very gregarious and had a healthy appetite for food and
everything beautiful. He had a zest for life and a marvelous sense of
humor. Ever so often he would revert back to his ancestral ways; somewhat
imperious and demanding.
In later years, especially after my mother passed away about twelve years
ago, he came to visit us in the States almost every year.
His son Raj’s death at 50 in April 2004 hit him hard. Raj was very much
his father’s son. Later he seemed quite philosophical about it and managed
to go on. In the summer of 2006 my sister was diagnosed with cancer.
Within days after hearing the news, my father had a heart attack.
I visited him in March of this year; three weeks before he died. Between
the last time I had seen him in Oct. ‘06 and March of this year, he had
changed. He was old and frail. He did not laugh as much and occasionally
reverted back to his imperious ways. Ever so often I had to yell “Daddy,
cool it.” He pretended he did not hear. His loyal workers catered to his
every whim so it made no difference.
On the day I left, I hugged him goodbye and somehow I felt I needed to go
back and give him a second hug. The last I saw of him from the car was Dad
waving goodbye. We both knew that it was the last time we would see each
other.
VIGNETTES OF MY FATHER Part 1 1948-1968
From around 1947 to 1950 (pre boarding school!) Kurseong, India. My Dad
would take us for
walks up Dowhill Road.
He loved telling us stories. One
of my favorite one was “Sunkesri Rani” “The Golden haired Queen.”
1948: Kurseong, India. I happened to have picked up a “naughty” word from
maybe an adult or one of the servants. I knew it was a bad word, but I was
going to try it on my Dad. Unfortunately I choose the wrong moment. He was
chatting with a visitor and I wanted to be noticed. I tried everything;
but felt ignored and used “the word” (I don’t even remember what it was;
probably pretty mild compared to what is used these days.) My Dad excused
himself; picked me up and dumped me in this huge bucket of cold water to
cool me off.
That was the only time he was harsh with me.
1954: Rajbiraj, Nepal. It was early afternoon; siesta time for the adults.
My brother and I were surprised to be called in from our “hide and seek”
near the rushes by the pond at the far end of the compound. We passed by a
number of servants carting our luggage to the back gate. We were ushered
into the south bedroom. Assembled were my weeping mother and grandmother,
my Dad with a strained look, and the two younger siblings. That day he had
to choose his “allegiance” to his wife or to his mother. My mother and my
dad’s mother were similar in many ways, but they did not get along. They’d
had one of their bouts; a serious one this time.
After we left for Assam, my mother’s
people’s place, the family seldom visited Rajbiraj. Occasionally my Dad
and I would, for a few weeks, during the winter holidays. I would make
parathas for my Dad as Granny’s cook always made a mess of it. After
dinner, my Dad would send me off to my granny’s for our
story telling
session, while he spent the evening in the south room listening to the
radio or reading by himself.
My granny had mentioned that Dad had been taken away to be brought up in
India by relatives when he was only 6. All his life he never revealed how
much he must have missed his mother.
I was told that just before he breathed his last, he whispered his
mother’s name.
1957: Varanasi, India. We were on a pilgrimage. After a wonderful day at Sarnath the tranquil deer park where Buddha preached his first sermon, my
Dad decided to take me for a stroll to the ghats, where the funeral pyres
burn day and night. There were beggars of every sort lined up along the
road, who had come to Varanasi to live out their final days. For the
devout Hindus to die in Varanasi and have one’s ashes scattered on the
Ganges was to achieve Moksha - liberating the soul from the cycle of
births and re-births.
Having lived a sheltered life between convent schools and gated homes, for
a thirteen-year-old, the beggars that lined the road to the ghats were
mind boggling. Although we kept our distance from the burning ghats I
could see the bodies being carried to the ghats and in the distance the
smoke from the pyres wafting to the heavens. Forty years later I stood up
close by my mother’s funeral pyre in the burning ghats of Pasupatinath in
Kathmandu.
My dad had given me a glimpse of the fragility of human existence 40 years
earlier on the banks of the Varanasi ghats.
1959: Winter holidays in Calcutta (now named Kolkotta.) Dad took us to
Kalighat located on the banks of the river Hooghly. The name Kolkotta is
said to have been derived from the word Kalighat. We toured the Jain
Temple built in the mid 1800’s, Shantiniketan, in the outskirts of the
city owned by the family of the Nobel Prize winner (1913) Rabindranath
Tagore’s family; Rabindranath Tagore was my mother’s favorite poet.
Incidentally I was named after a collection of his poems - “Gitanjali.”
Dad would take us for evening walks around The Maidan, with the Victoria
Memorial dominating at one end of the park, an exquisite structure made of
white marble built in the memory of Queen Victoria. We especially enjoyed
our walks around the Maidan as it meant we could indulge in some Pani Puri
or chat from the local vendors. We were not allowed to eat out unless it
was from a reputable restaurant, usually owned by someone acquainted with
the family. But this time, under Dad's strict supervision, we had a taste
of some forbidden food! I still remember Dad making the vendor wash his
hands in almost scalding hot water before he dipped the puri into the pani
to serve us.
From around 1954 to 1960 Kurseong, India. My granny, (maternal
grandmother) had a
summer home
in the same town as the
boarding school
we
attended. Sometimes she would live there almost the entire year Spring
through fall. This meant we could spend time with her on holidays. Dad
would try and time his visits then. He had a standing order at “Sitaram’s,”
the record store, for the latest 44 rpm and 33 1/3 rpm records. Whenever
we went shopping with him we would return with armloads of the
latest--Bill Haley and the comets, The Drifters, The Everly Brothers,
Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Early Supremes, Early Beatles and of course
Elvis.
Sometimes Dad had to leave before we returned to school. He usually walked
down to town, where he caught a taxi to the railway station where he would
board the train back to Assam. I would wave goodbye at the gate, then wait
for about seven minutes until he showed up way down below the tea gardens
on “Jacob’s ladder” (a term fondly used by the locals for the steep
downhill short-cut to town.) He would turn and wave a final goodbye before
he disappeared behind this huge Boulder. I never told him that there was a
cleft in the boulder and that I would wait to catch a glimpse of him just
the one more time.
1960: Digboi, Assam. India. This was my first grown-up party at the club.
I teetered around in my high heels and my mother’s Banaras sari. My mother
had given Dad strict orders to keep an eye on me at all times. He soon got
tired of hovering over me. He told me that he considered me grown up
enough and left me in the care of a couple of friends. I had a whale of a
time, dancing the night away. When the time came to leave, I found my Dad
at the bar surrounded by all his friends, mostly woman. I did not have the
heart to tear him away. Dad’s friends escorted me home. I heard him arrive
in the wee hours of the morning. Boy did he get a tongue lashing from my
mother!
For the first time in my life, thanks to my Dad, I felt like a grown-up.
1962-63: Tipong, Assam - India. I spent a part of my winter holidays with
my Dad. My mother and the brood of kids stayed at my Grand-dad’s about 20
miles away. Tipong was in the jungles, just too wild for my mother. That
was the last time I spent any length of time with him until after my
mother died and he came to visit Dan and me in the States.
During my stay with him, we often stopped by the
Ledo club
for a drink, or
we stopped by the little settlement just before the turn-off to Tipong and
purchased some delicious singharas.
I loved spending my time on a hillock just a little ways from the house.
The land sloped up to the dense jungle behind the hillock. Below the
hillock was a panoramic view of the river and the little train track
across the river that hauled coal to/from the colliery. Anytime there were
even rumors of “tiger” sightings he made sure to send a runner to warn me
off my perch.
In his younger years Dad was quite the big-game hunter. I have a photo
somewhere of my dad and Grandad and there I am age two, I think “riding” a
tiger.
Occasionally on week-end evenings some of Dad’s foremen and workers would
visit. I would join them on the verandah and work on my embroidery and
listen to stories about the colliery, about the men’s wives - one wife in
the mountains in Nepal and one wife a local woman from India! Most of
Dad’s men were from the Nepal hills. I think they were homesick for the
mountains and their family. My Dad always welcomed them.
Years later, in 1986…. Dad, Dan and Sid, my little nephew, were at a
cross-walk in New Road, Kathmandu. The traffic policeman blew his whistle,
stopped all the traffic skipped off his perch, made his way to where we
were, and smartly saluted my Dad. He said he never got to thank my Dad
properly in Tipong.
The traffic policeman was one of the many colliery workers that dad had
helped rehabilitate, when they were affected by the coal mine
nationalization under Indira Gandhi in 1972.
1967 Kathmandu Nepal. So here we were, Dad and I riding to our luncheon
date with some family friends in a rickshaw. Those days vehicles of any
sort in Kathmandu were few and far between. We were just passing by the
“Blue Bucket,” one of the few general stores at the time. I turned to my
Dad said, “Daddy, I am in love and I want to return to Darjeeling.” At
that time I was working at “Himalayan Travel and Tours” in Kathmandu. All
my Dad said was, “OK, if that’s what you want.” He never asked who he was,
his social standing, whether he was educated or not etc. etc. - the
standard questions that were supposed to be asked.
1968. Calcutta India. My Dad and I were passing through Calcutta; I don’t
quite remember our final destination. We stayed at “The Grand.” I remember
him telling me that the last time he had stayed there, he made friends
with an American tourist, got rip roaring drunk and went to see “Can-Can,”
his favorite movie – maybe because it had something to do with Shirley MacLain, Juliet Prowse and the can-can dancers kicking up their heels!
The mother of my so called “Love of my life” owned all sorts of real
estate in Kolkotta. He was in town to take care of his mother’s holdings
and we made a date to meet. I told my Dad that I had to go out by myself
that one evening. He was suffering from gout so he did not protest. I
arrived at our rendezvous place and waited, and waited, and waited for my
date. He never showed up. I sneaked back to the hotel room pretty late and
cried myself to sleep. I knew my Dad was awake but he did not say a word.
The next day he took me on a shopping spree - clothes, jewelry, books you
name it - and for some reason he also bought me an ornate Kashmiri jug and
a matching set of glasses. It’s been almost 39 years now, my Dad is gone,
but I still have one cup left from that set. It is on my dressing table;
it holds my pens, pencils and note paper.
I showed it to him the last time he visited, in 2005. He did not remember
purchasing the set but he did remember the ’68 trip!
The last I heard of the “love of my life”…was in Kathmandu last October,
2006. Debu, a mutual friend, said he had returned to Darjeeling and had
aged considerably. “And you, young lady,” said Debu “look as gorgeous as
ever!” My Dad would have loved to hear that!
**********************************************************
“Vignettes
of my Father Part 1”
(Recipes)
PARATHAS
Ingredients:
1 cup all purpose four
1 cup whole wheat flour
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup ghee (melted) or oil
1/2 cup warm water
Directions:
1. Sift the flours and salt.
2. Add the ghee or oil.
3. Add water and knead for at least 10 minutes.
4. Cover and set aside for at least 1 hour
5. Divide dough into 12 equal portions
6. Roll out on a lightly floured board to a circle
the size of a dinner plate.
7. Spread some ghee or oil
8. Fold it one more time and spread a little more
butter
9. Fold one more time to form a triangle
10. Roll out the dough on a floured surface, using a floured
rolling pin. (Roll it out
gently to prevent the air out at the edges; like making
pastry.)
11. Heat a heavy griddle or frying pan and spread about 2
teaspoons of melted
ghee on it.
12. Cook the paratha for approximately a minute.
13. When bubbles form, turn it over & add a small tsp of oil
around the paratha.
14. Press around the edges with a spatula and fry for another
minute.
15. Serve it warm or let cool and freeze.
PANI PURI:
Ingredients:
Puri:
½ cup Fine semolina (Sooji)
½ tablespoon All Purpose Flour
3 tablespoon club soda
Salt to taste
(Damp cloth to place the puris on)
(Paper towels to place fried puris on to absorb oil.)
Pani:
1 1/2 cups Fresh Mint Leaves, chopped
1 tablespoon Coriander Leaves, chopped
1/3 cup Tamarind paste
¼ teaspoon ginger paste
2 green chilies
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp Black Salt
Salt to taste
Filling:
Mashed potatoes
Tamarind Chutney
Directions:
Puri:
1. Mix semolina, flour, Club soda and salt.
2. Knead well to make semi-stiff dough.
3. Cover and let stand for 15 minutes.
4. Roll out the dough
5. Dip small ring (round) cookie cutter into some flour
and cut out the puris
6. Place each circle under damp cloth right after
rolling.
7. Heat oil in a wok.
8. Deep fry the puris, press gently with a slotted
spoon, until they puff up and
turn golden brown.
9. Place the puffed puris on paper towels.
Extra puris should be stored in an air-tight container.
Pani:
1. Soak the tamarind in ½ cup of warm water for
approximately 45 minutes.
2. Strain out the pulp.
3. Add mint leaves, chopped coriander, ginger, chilies
and cumin seed to the
tamarind water.
4. blend to a smooth paste. Add additional water if it
is too thick.)
5. Transfer the paste into a large bowl.
6. Add 33 ounces of water, mixing continuously with a
wooden spoon.
7. Add black salt and salt.
8. Mix well.
9. Refrigerate for about 2 hours.
To Serve: Pani-Puri:
1. Poke a small hole in the center of each puri.
2. Add small quantity of mashed potatoes as filling
3. Add a little tamarind chutney.
4. Spoon some pani into the center and pop the whole
puri into your mouth.
Delicious!
Note: You can purchase all the ingredients in an Indian
grocery store. Many stores have ready made puris and masala
(ingredients) for the pani. All you need to do is add the
water.
ROASTED MARINATED WHOLE CHICKEN
Ingredients:
1 cup plain Yogurt (NOT low fat)
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon garlic paste
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
1 roasting chicken
½ cup brandy (optional)
Directions:
1. Combine yogurt, lemon juice, garlic paste and
cilantro and salt and pepper to
taste.
2. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and coat well.
3. Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 8 hours.
4. Roast at 325 for 3 hours.
5. When ready to serve, place the cut-up fowl on a warm
platter and pour the
brandy over it
Dad’s cook Bhime made this often. Not too far from my reading
perch in Tipong, Assam he had a kitchen garden with some
select vegetables and herbs.
Dad usually poured the brandy liberally over the chicken.
There’s a photo of him around the house somewhere doing just
this! I’ll post it when I find it.
ROGAN JOSH
Rogan josh is an aromatic lamb curry dish. It originated in
Northern India, and is particularly associated with Kashmir.
My Dad loved lamb. There are many versions. The easiest way to
fix it is to purchase the roghan josh mix along with the ghee
from an Indian grocery store.
Ingredients:
2 pounds lamb, cubed
1 medium tomato, diced
½ medium onion, diced
2 ½ cups plain yogurt, whipped
1 packet roghan josh mix (if you want a milder version, just
use ½ the packet.)
2 cups water
1 cup cream, whipped
1 – 1 ½ cups ghee (clarified butter)
Coriander leaves for garnish
Directions:
1. Heat oil in a wok or deep skillet over medium-high
and brown lamb stirring
frequently.
2. Add onions and tomatoes and fry for 3 minutes.
3. Add yogurt and cook until the ghee separates from the
gravy, stirring
constantly.
4. Add roghan josh spice mix and fry for a few minutes.
5. Add 1 ½ cups water and cook on low heat until the
lamb is tender.
6. Check occasionally; pour a little water each time the
mixture looks dry.
7. When the meat is cooked, increase the heat to high
and cook until the ghee
separates.
8. Stir the cream into the roghan josh; Mix well.
Garnish with coriander leaves and serve with plain boiled rice
or paratha.
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Anjali Dawson
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